By now, you are probably familiar with the Teenage Dirtbag trend on social media sites. But are you aware of what a teenage dirtbag is, and the truly self deprecating meaning behind the song?
A teenager typically living with lack of reason to be alive, living in depression or lost, and somewhat of an underdog
Being bullied or underrated and being compared with a unfair POV to a more popular person, means your a Teenage Dirtbag
So yeah, I was a teenage dirtbag. I spent much of my teen years lost, and constantly trying to figure out what it was I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. Of course this is all happening as I am also trying to enjoy my youth, and the few friends I had at the time. The only thing stuttering away more than my mental health was my style. It is probably fair to say that the more scatterbrained I felt on the inside, the more my style showcased it on the outside. I didn't know who I was yet, and it showed, so I did what anyone would do and just copied what the people I connected with were wearing. This meant JNCO jeans, which were ridiculously wide legged, did nothing to keep out the chill in the winter, and in the rain more water actually made it onto your legs than the jeans protected from; band shirts were also a staple, but they didn't come in feminine cuts, it was only giant one size fits most, to ensure you looked truly like a box when you added the wide legged jeans; the shoes are one element from my youth I would actually love to get back. I had at least 4 different pairs of platform, Mary Jane style, Velcro laced, tennis shoes by Volatile.
My style wasn't all bad. I had fallen in love with movies that showed a fun showcase of fashion ideas that I was inclined to; movies that still inspire me today, like Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Edward Scissorhands, Mallrats, Excess Baggage, The Virgin Suicides, and Romeo + Juliet. These movies had characters that all had that element of dirtbag to them, but somehow they made it stylish. I mean, who says you have to dress poorly just because you're sad.
I guess that is the thought that really put me on my quest to respect my closet a little more. Soon it became the more interest and pride I took in my style, the better I felt, and the more I liked to look nice, and before you know it I was stuck in a cycle of positive emotions and self love! I started to give in to my own obsessions that I had felt previous shame or embarrassment towards, leaving me to spiral. I went back to buying cute stuffed animals, and overtly cute or kawaii themed items. I immersed myself in stationary and stickers. I allowed myself to wallow in self pity and dance in pastel lights. And somehow, after finding myself giving into the things I love and shedding myself of trivial embarrassments and the idea of judgment, I found managed to find myself and my style.
The reality is, I think I will always have that little bit of Teenage Dirtbag hiding in the dark recesses of myself, but I have made friends with that part of myself. Occasionally I will even give in and go full hoodie and baggy jeans just to remember who I used to be, and why it isn't all so bad.